


To Hell and Back

by Girl_with_the_tiger_eyes



Series: To Hell and Back [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Hellhounds, dean twin sister, to hell and back, twin!reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 13:51:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5293541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girl_with_the_tiger_eyes/pseuds/Girl_with_the_tiger_eyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Y/N Winchester, twin sister of Dean, and third sibling of the famous Winchester hunters.<br/>Hunting all of their lives, they've each seen their fair share of monsters and demons, so when they get a call about Hellhounds, they think its just a regular hunt...<br/>That is until things go very very wrong...<br/>In a terrible twist of fate, a Winchester life is lost, and when the dust settles, the surviving two must find a way to go on and deal with the betrayal of a dear friend that resulted in the death of their sibling, and somehow find a way to keep hunting and make them proud.<br/>But when bad news turns worse, there are two very pissed off Winchesters with a score to settle and nothing to lose.<br/>Follow their journey of sacrifice, peace and redemption on the road to hell and back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am so shit at writing summaries, but I swear it's better than it sounds :)  
> If you've made it this far, I salute you!  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this, and I must warn you there are very minor spoilers for some of the earlier series :)  
> I shall update this story daily, so you only have to wait less than a week for the full thing, though there is a second part to the series... I will post that when this one is complete

For the first Saturday in forever, you'd finally managed to sleep in. Neither of your brothers had woke you up and it had gone 7am.

You stretched your arms and grinned, so happy that you'd gotten an extra two hours in bed.

You were too lucky..

Suddenly you were airborne as your matrass was flipped over and you tumbled out, your legs tangled in your covers so naturally you landed on your face.

Growling, you untangled your legs as you heard your brothers deep voice.

"Rise and shine, Y/N! You're burning sunlight!"

Dean was the one who'd flipped you.

You shouldve known. You were sure that you'd done something mean to him in the womb and he was getting you back for it. Every single day.

Winchesters could hold a grudge.

Something Dean would be wise to remember when you got out of your room.

You climbed to your feet, knowing Dean had already vacated the room, and went to your bathroom to get ready.

Half an hour later, you emerged from your room, ready to face the day.

You had a black short sleeved tee on underneath a plaid shirt, with black skinny jeans and combat boots.

You rolled the sleeves of your shirt up as you walked down the hall.

You'd left your shoulder length, thick, light brown hair down, almost the exact same shade as your brothers.

It was your eyes that gave you away though, every single time.

You and Dean shared the exact same shade of green eyes. You remembered how your dad used to talk about them, back when you were still his little girl and Dean was his brave boy. When Sammy was still in his crib and your mom was still alive.

A lot had changed since then, but your eyes hadn't.

When you walked into the kitchen, you saw Dean cleaning his gun and Sammy making coffee.

You sat down opposite Dean and crossed your arms, staring at him while he worked.

He didn't look up but he could feel your gaze as after a moment he spoke.

"Y/N, you're never gonna get me back, so why don't you give up now, sweetheart?"

You didn't answer and Dean just laughed.

Sammy set a cup of coffee down in front of you and ruffled your hair.

You swatted his hand away, but smiled at him and thanked him for the coffee.

Sitting forward, you spoke to your twin.

"Dean, what are we hunting?" You asked, putting aside your grudge for the time being.

Dean looked up at you and grinned as he clicked his magazine into his gun.

"Hellhounds."

Your blood froze and you looked at Sammy, who nodded and sighed.

You sat back and composed your features into a look of boredom.

"So I'll go pack. How long is this gonna take?" You asked, looking forward to it being over. You hated Hellhounds. They'd killed your best friend.

Jo had died because of them, and ever since, you'd been sure that they'd be what got you one day.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Almost 18 hours later, you felt the impala roll to a stop and you sat up in the back seat and looked out the window.

It was the early hours of the morning, but you could see the run down motel was still open, and the fat, meat head manager had his eyes on your car.

You groaned and climbed out, stretching your arms and legs as Sammy and Dean started unloading the bags from the back.

You headed for the reception, already feeling the managers gaze on you.

When you opened the door, you smoothed your face into a smile and stepped forward to lean on the sticky counter.

"Hey there. You gotta room with two queens?" You asked and the balding slob behind the counter sat up and grabbed a key from behind him, number 18.

You paid for the weekend and turned around, trying to hold your breath against the stench as much as you could till you were outside.

You walked back to your brothers and grabbed your bag, leading them to the room and opening the door.

You flicked on the light and walked inside, putting your bag down on the sofa and looking around the room.

Sam and Dean put their things down on the two beds and you moved to find the phone and a pizza menu.

You ordered three pizzas, knowing that you and Dean could eat a pizza eat, easily, and Sammy might eat a bit of one.

When you hung up, you grabbed the impala keys from the table and headed for the door, announcing to your brothers that you wouldn't be long.

None of them bothered to ask where you were going, as you were already out of the door.

They got the weapons ready while you were gone, and when you got back, half an hour later, you had a shopping bag and three pizzas.

You'd met the pizza boy in the hallway and paid him for the food, also getting his phone number.

You put everything down on the table and handed out pizzas.

Sammy looked at his a little disappointed, so you grinned and handed him the bag.

Inside was loads of different pastas and salads, and he grinned at you and thanked you.

Dean grunted as he opened his pizza, not saying what he thought of Sammys food choice.

You all dug in, demolishing the pizzas and then you laid down on the sofa, so ready to sleep, but then Dean was there, standing over you.

"What are you doing?" He asked and you glared at him.

"What does it look like? I'm gonna sleep if you don't mind."

He rolled his eyes and gestured for you to get up. When you ignored him he spoke.

"Y/N, get up! You can have the bed. I'm not letting you sleep on the sofa when you could have a bed. Swap with me!" He demanded and you sighed and shook your head, turning over to prevent him from trying to pull you up.

"No Dean, go away. Just 'cause I'm a girl, doesn't mean you have to treat me nicer. I'm a hunter. I don't care where I sleep, just as long as I get a few hours and wake up in the morning. Okay?"

You didn't wait for an answer, you just shut your eyes and listened to Dean walk away, muttering about how stubborn you were.

You grinned and swiftly fell asleep.

When you woke up, you felt different, so you rolled over and opened your eyes.

Sammy was asleep in the bed next to yours so you frowned and sat up.

Your other brother was asleep on the sofa, way too tall for it to possibly be comfortable.

You glared at him, but then your expression softened.

He was just trying to look out for you. He always was.

Even before you'd left, Dean was the one who taught you how to fight, even though John didn't want you to learn.

Dean taught you how to shoot, how to drive, and anything else that John didn't want you to learn.

Dean knew you wanted to be a hunter, just like your two brothers, and he knew how pissed you got when John wouldn't let you, just because you were a girl.

So when you were seventeen, you'd given him an ultimatum. He could teach you how to hunt and let you hint with him amd your brothers, or you were leaving, and you'd teach yourself.

So you'd left.

Dean was the one who helped you pack, making sure you had everything, and giving you extra just in case.

He gave you money, and made you promise to be safe.

You'd known that he wanted to come with you, you could tell in the way that he held onto you in a hug as you said goodbye.

But he couldn't.

Your dad and Sammy needed him.

So you'd gone.

Sammy didn't even get to say goodbye as he was in school, but you knew he'd forgive you.

You knew John was harder on Sammy when you left. Dean as well, but Dean could take it better.

You'd found yourself at the roadhouse one night, and suddenly you seemed to have a family again.

Jo, Ellen and Ash were all you needed, and you and Jo soon became best friends.

You worked in the Roadhouse when you could, picking up tips off hunters, and you tagged along on your very first hunt with one of them.

Soon enough you were as good as your brothers, and stories used to come in with other hunters about them. No one knew of their sister back then, but you were slowly making a name for yourself too.

And that was how John found you.

He caught tail of a rumour that a new hunter was on the rise, almost as good as the Winchester boys.

Her name was y/n Winchester.

Your dad found you, and when you saw him you were surprised to see the pride in his eyes.

So you'd sat down and talked to your father.

It had been a good six years since you'd seen your father or brothers, but you knew something was wrong with him.

He hadn't spoke about that though, he'd just told you that he was proud of you, and that you needed to find your brothers. He was closing in on the yellow eyed demon that had killed your mother.

He was sorry that he'd prevented you from hunting. You were too much like your mother to not be a hunter.

You'd smiled at his words, but then parted ways.

You knew that Dean was alright, wherever he was. You and he shared a link. Maybe because you were twins, maybe because you were hunters. Either way... Your whole lives you'd been able to feel when the other one was in pain, and you felt the pain as if it was your own.

You'd felt when Dean got electrocuted, and when he was in the crash.

And he'd felt when you broke your leg on a werewolf hunt.

So youd started looking.

It took you a few months to find your brothers, but at that point you learned that your father had died.

Ever since then, you'd hunted with your brothers, and Dean had had your back since then.

Your other family had all been killed since then. Ash in a fire that claimed the roadhouse and Jo and Ellen died killing Hell hounds.

So this hunt was personal.

You got put of bed and made it, going for a shower and getting dressed before going back into the room and getting ready for the hunt.

Dean was awake this time and you offered him a small smile as you went to find your stuff and wake Sammy up.

Then it was time to hunt.

You hung out in the local bar and gound out that a guy had cracked up about three days ago and locked himself in his house, not answering the door to anyone.

Three days meant that the hellhounds were gonna get him that night.

So you'd gone to hunt.

You spent the day parked outside his house, waiting for eleven pm before you got out and went to save the poor bastard.

You didn't even bother knocking, you just picked the lock and walked inside, gun out, ready for anything.

Well except for a frying pan.

As you walked into the kitchen, it collided with your face as the victim panicked and attacked.

You hit the deck and your brothers stepped over you, about to shoot your attacker when they saw that it was just a shaking man.

He was the one you'd gone to protect.

Dean gave you a hand to your feet and looked into your eyes, checking for any damage.

You swayed on your feet and felt a cut on the bridge of your nose.

Dean wasn't happy with what he saw as he put an arm around you waist and turned to Sammy.

"Dude, she can't do this now. I'm gonna take her back to the car, keep an eye on him and wait till I..."

He trailed off as howling filled the air.

The hellhounds had arrived.

Dean knew he couldn't leave you in the car now, he had to help Sam, so you followed the man to a study and slammed the doors.

Dean made you sit on the desk while he and Sam secured the room.

You felt too dazed to even move, but when the guy looked at the window and looked like he was gonna make a break for it, you pointed your gun at him.

"Don't even think about it. Sit down. We're here to help!" You tried, glaring around the pounding in your head.

He wisely chose to sit back down abd you stood up, shaking your head to try and clear it.

You saw the guy looking at you with horror all over his face and you understood why.

He was probably seeing you like you were a demon or something, but you didn't care. So long as he didn't move, you were gonna be able to save his ass.

The doors started banging as the hellhounds tried to fight their way in, but Dean had already sprinkled goofer dust in the way, so they weren't getting in that way.

Sam made a circle around you and the victim and then shared a look with Dean.

Dean nodded and looked back at you.

"Y/N, you stay here and guard him. Me and Sammy are gonna go distract these sonsofbitches so we can gank them. Just shoot anything that comes through the door if it isn't us."

You nodded and Dean grinned and then he and Sam climbed out of the window.

Almost immediately the hellhounds stopped trying to break in, and for a second you wondered why you'd agreed with Dean. Clearly you'd been hit too hard on the head, so you stood up and turned to the man.

"Stay in the circle. They can't get you. Stay here. I'm gonna go kill the beasts."

He just stared at you with wide eyes so you rolled your eyes and headed for the window your brothers had climbed out of.

You slowly scooted down the roof until you could jump to the ground.

When you landed you slipped onto your ass and cursed.

You still felt dizzy but you got to your feet and ran to where you could hear your brothers.

Before you could get to them though you saw a shadow in front of you and a low growl.

Oh shit...

You thought as you reached for the angel blade in your boot, slowly in case you made the beast pounce.

Turned out that it attacked anyway and you fell backwards, the angel blade in your grip, bit you couldn't get it up in time to kill the beast before it raked its claws down your front.

Dean screamed and fell to his knees.

Sam finished off his hell hound and ran to his brothers side.

He grabbed his arm, not seeing any blood, but Dean shoved him away.

"Y/N! Go and save Y/N! She's hurt!"

Sam hauled his big brother to his feet and supported him as they ran back around the corner to where they'd climbed out of the window.

They saw you on the floor, surrounded by blood and holding your insides in with your hands.

Sam gasped and froze but Dean broke free of his grip and ran to your side.

He skidded on his knees at your side and your eyes moved to him and you smiled, blood at the corner of your mouth.

"I got it Dean. I got... the... bitch," you sighed and let your eyes close.

Dean yelled, putting his hand on your forehead.

"NO! Y/N YOU STAY WITH ME! Don't you dare close your eyes!" He begged and Sammy joined him on your other side, moving your hand to check out your injuries through blurred eyes.

You opened your eyes and looked at your brothers, no tears in your eyes even though you were pretty sure this may be your last few minutes with them.

"You'd... b...better l...look after...each other," you tried your best glare but your face wasn't behaving.

Dean looked at Sammy, begging for some good news but all Sammy could do was shake his head.

They couldn't patch you up, and you weren't gonna last very long unless they could get you to the nearest hospital. He still made you whimper by pressing field dressings to your wound and applying pressure and bandages.

Now even Dean was crying as he looked down at his sister.

You didn't like seeing them like that so you frowned.

"Stop... Don't cry."

You could barely talk any more and the boys ignored you anyway.

Your eyes closed again. It was too hard to keep them open any more, you just wanted to sleep.

Dean tried to wake you again, but he couldn't.

You were still breathing, but barely.

Dean didn't know what to do, but suddenly he was furious that this had happened and he yelled as loud as he could, a strange broken, angry and savage yell.

" CASTIEL!"

No one showed up though, no matter how many times he yelled.

He was gonna have to save you himself then.

He looked at Sammy and barked an order at him.

"Go get in the car, you're driving," he ordered and Sam only hesitated a second before grabbing the keys from Dean and running to the car.

Then Dean scooped you up into his arms and jogged after Sam.

He laid you down in the back seat and then ran around to the other side, climbing in near your head and lifting you until you were half laying on his legs.

" Drive, god damn it!" He snapped at Sam and Sammy put his foot down.

The nearest hospital was an hour away. Dean just prayed you'd hold on that long...

After about ten minutes your eyes flicked open and you saw your own eyes staring down at you, anger and concern written all over your brothers face.

You still felt like death, but you weren't dying until you were comfy.

"C...c...cold...d," you muttered and Sam heard and grabbed a jacket from the passenger seat and threw it back to you.

Dean covered you up, the fact that you had bled through your bandages not escaping his notice.

This time when you closed your eyes it felt different. You had even less control and it felt heavier. You heard Dean saying your name, but you couldn't answer, the darkness was too heavy on you.

You heard both of your brothers yelling to your favourite angel, but you didn't think he was gonna show up.

But you didn't care. It was like a switch had been flicked.

The pain was gone, so was everything else. You couldn't see or feel anything.

You wondered if you were dead already or if that was what was happening.

After a moment you felt a shift in your nothingness so you too it as a cue and let the darkness take you.

Dean was screaming your name and Sam could tell by his screams that they didn't have long left.

You were dying.

They both yelled for Castiel but still the angel didn't show.

Slowly Sammy eased off the accelerator and turned off the road, knowing that you weren't gonna make it to the hospital any more.

When the car stopped, Sam rushed to the back and opened the door, lifting you up and carrying you away from the impala, Dean close on his heels.

Sam didn't know why, but he just knew that if you had any feeling left, you wouldn't want to die in the back of an old car.

You'd want to see the stars.

Dean understood as well and so Sam set you down on the ground and sat down next to you, Dean on the other side.

You were surrounded by trees with grass beneath you and stars above you. If you'd been aware, you would have smiled.

Sam and Dean took a hand each, and Sammy felt for a pulse. It was still there, light and fluttering, but still there.

Dean knew you were still with them, but he felt you drifting away with each small breath. He felt it like a knife in his heart, scraping its path of destruction, deeper and deeper until he didn't think he'd feel anything more.

Sammy hated the silence in that moment, and he knew that you would too, so he did the only thing he could think of to fill it, and he sang to you softly, the soothing words of the lullaby you used to sing to him when he was ill as a kid.

"Carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest..."

Your heart stopped.

"Don't you cry no more."


	2. Chapter 2

The drive back to the bunker was silent, no talking and no music, just the sound of two men lost in their own thoughts.

It had been nearly twenty two hours since Y / N had died and her brothers had buried her.

Dean wouldn't let Sam burn her body, to part with her like a warrior, and Sam had agreed to just bury her. He was letting Dean call all the shots.

You were Sams sister too, but he was never as close to you as Dean was, but he was okay with that. You and Dean had entered this world together and gone though a lot together, even when you were apart.

The link.

Sammy had never understood the link, but he had also never doubted it. Not even your father had.

Sammy had seen the unexplained pain on Deans face, and the way he knew when you were having a nightmare, even from a different room.

Thats why Sam had kept the keys to the impala and drove home.

Dean had felt the pain you were in before you died, and he had felt you slip away into the darkness.

Sam couldn't even imagine that weight. He felt guilty enough that you'd been killed while he and Dean were just around the corner, but he didn't know how much pain you'd been in. He hadn't felt the claws tear into your flesh.

But Dean had.

Sammy turned to look at his brother who was sitting in the passenger seat, the exact same position as he'd been on when he'd gotten in the car seventeen hours before.

He was still looking forward, not seeing as the world carried on even though he was sure it shouldve stopped spinning now that you were gone.

Sammy still cried silent tears as he drove, feeling the hollowness in his chest that was your loss.

He'd never felt pain like it, even when his dad had died. He felt like you were his responsibility to protect, even though you were the older sibling. You were also his only sister. Well, was. Not any more. Now you were just a memory of a sister buried in a box in the ground.

Sammys heart felt like it was being stepped on so he quickly shut down his thoughts and focused on driving.

When they reached the bunker, Sammy had to snap Dean out of his thoughts.

He shook his brothers shoulder and Dean blinked and looked up.

When he saw the bunker he sighed and climbed out of the car without a word.

He went inside and Sam wiped his eyes and followed him, feeling the heavy silence as soon as the bunker door closed behind him.

It felt cold, and silent. The usual bickering between you and Dean not something Sam thought he would ever miss, but he did, and he'd give anything to hear you start now.

Dean was the same.

He had to face up to the fact that you were gone now.

Even thinking that made him sick. Sick with anger.

Dean yelled as he picked up a bottle of whiskey from the side and threw it across the room, watching it shatter before he carried on, flipping the table over and kicking the lamp.

He was wrecking the library, but he didn't care, and nor did Sammy who sat in the corridor and cried as he listened to his brother fall apart.

Dean picked up one of the artifacts from where it was on display and threw that too.

He turned to grab another but someone was in his way.

A trenchcoat wearing someone.

Dean didn't even think before he had hold of Castiel and shoved him against the wall.

"Where were you?!" He screamed in his face and Castiel frowned and tilted his head.

"I was busy in heaven. I cannot come every time you call. It was import..."

Dean shoved away from him, suddenly unable to deal with what was going on.

His sister was dead, and she'd died all because Cas chose to ignore them. He thought they could wait. In their greatest moment of need, Castiel had let it go to answer machine.

Dean chuckled darkly before deciding to tell Cas what they'd prayed for.

"She's dead, Cas. Y/N died today, and you know what? We prayed to you. We needed you to come and save her. You, her favourite angel, were her only hope, and you couldn't leave for just long enough to save her?! MY GODDAMN SISTER, CASTIEL!"

Cas took a moment to figure out what Dean was saying, but then he understood and felt like his wings had been torn off.

His favourite human was dead? And he could have saved her.

Castiel didn't know what he was feeling, but it was heavy and he felt something on his cheek.

He put his hand to it and saw water.

He frowned and tilted his head.

"My vessel is leaking," he commented and Dean growled at him.

"No Castiel. You're crying. And do you want to know why? BECAUSE YOU DIDNT SAVE HER!" He yelled, wanting so bad to kill the angel with his bare hands, but he knew that he'd do little damage to the angel, and probably more to himself.

Before Cas said anything else, he was suddenly gone, leaving Dean alone in the library again.

Dean was too tired to break anything else, so he left, walking past his brother on the floor and going into his room, slamming his door so Sammy knew that he did NOT want to talk about this.

Sammy got the message and went to bed.

Dean couldn't sleep though, he knew that he'd be haunted with nightmares about you.

After an hour or two, he accepted that he needed to get out of his room.

He stood up and followed his feet, finding himself in your bedroom.

He sat down on your bed and leant forward, his head falling into his hands.

"Y/N, I dont know if you can hear me, but I need to believe you can..." he took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Y/N. I miss you already. So goddamn much. It's not right without you. I've never been this lost... I just don't know what to do..." he trailed off as his voice broke, so he cleared his throat and looked up, seeing the picture of you three that you'd taken when you went to florida last year.

"I hope... I hope you find mom and dad, and jo, ellen and Ash. And I jope you finally get some peace... I love you little sister," he said for the first time in his life, but as usual it was always too late.

Dean slid down to the floor and leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling. He could just about make out the glow in the dark stars that you'd stuck there.

He and Sam had teased you for putting them up, but now Dean smiled sadly.

There was lots of things that you did that Dean was gonna miss.

The way you'd get hooked to paranormal fiction stories even though you knew everything in them wasn't true, but you'd still annoy the hell out of Sam and Dean rambling on about your new OTP.

Dean just wanted to hear the sound of your voice again.

"Just let this be a nightmare, y/n, and I promise I'll listen every time you wanna tell me about your stupid books. Hell I'll even read them with you. Just... Come back. Please," he begged.

But the room stayed silent.

Y/N wasn't coming home. She was never gonna talk about another book again, or stick stars on the ceiling, or demand that Dean lets her pick the music in the impala for once.

She wasn't even coming back.

So Dean ran a hand down his face and stood up, walking into corridor and gently closing your door before he started walking, heading for the only thing in the bunker that he wanted right then.

The whiskey that would give him oblivion.

In heaven, Castiel searched for you, entering hundred of heavens but he couldn't find you anywhere.

He even went to your parents heaven and spoke to them.

Castiel had forgotten that humans grow so sad when the life cycle claims one of their own.

John and Mary Winchester were greatly grieved to learn that their daughter had died, but they were two hunters and so they knew how to deal with the matter at hand first.

They hadn't seen their daughter either.

Castiel was growing frustrated.

"I don't understand. She isn't on earth and she isn't in heaven..."

All three of them understood at once and Marys eyes widened as she turned into her husbands chest.

John held onto her and his dark eyes met Castiels.

"You bring her back, Castiel. She should be at peace. She doesn't deserve to be down there."

Castiel nodded and disappeared, showing up in the bunker.

Dean was passed out on the table and Sam was trying to fix the room that Dean had destroyed the night before.

Sam saw Cas and turned away, but then he knew how you'd react of you were there, so he sighed and turned back around.

"What do you want?" He asked and Castiel walked over to Dean and touched his forehead, waking him and healing his hang over at once.

When Dean saw the angel, he sat up and went to shove his hand away.

Castiel didn't move though as he looked at the two brothers.

"I come with grave news..." he started but Dean chuckled and laid back down.

"Get out of here, Cas. I don't care if the next freaking apocalypse is here. I'm not doing anything. I don't care anymore. Fix your own problems..."

He took a breath and then carried on anyway.

"Like you left us to fix ours."

Suddenly the angel was infuriated and he grabbed the older Winchester by the collar and shoved him against the wall, his feet dangling eight inches off the floor.

Castiels eyes glowed blue, and Dean didn't know what to do. He'd never seen Cas that angry before.

"Your sister is in Hell, Dean!"

He let his words sink in and felt Dean sag as a wave of pain washed over him.

Castiel put him down and Dean fell to the side and threw up.

Dean had been to hell, and he knew what it was like, and now you were there, and he knew what would be happening to you.

And he was powerless to help you.

Sam came over and fury was written all over his face.

"Then you go and get her! Do you hear me?! Go and get her! You saved Dean, so go and save Y/N!" He yelled, right in Castiels face.

Cas took a step back and shook his head.

"I cannot. Crowley has warded all entrances to Hell against my kind... I'm afraid she is lost."

Dean had heard enough. He stood up and wiped his mouth before bringing his arm back and punching the angel as hard as he could, straight across the face.

Castiel didn't feel anything, but he understood.

"I am sorry, Dean. If I could get into Hell you know that I would go after her. But I can't. The only way we are going to get her back is if Crowley will make a deal with us," he started, but then a voice spoke from behind him.

"Which he won't."

The three men turned around to see Crowley himself sitting on the side, a drink in his hand and a smirk on his face.

Dean started forward, ready to rip the smug look straight off Crowleys face, but Castiel beat him to the demon.

"You will release her soul, Crowley!" He ordered but the demon raised his eyebrows at Cas and slapped his hand off his jacket.

"Oh am I? And what gave you that idea?"

Castiel grabbed him again and shook him.

"You will return her to me!"

Everyone in the room was stunned. Had something been going on between you and Castiel?

No one had time to ask though, because suddenly your soul had become even more valuable to Crowley.

Not only could he control your brothers with it, but it was also the angels weakness.

Crowley grinned and looked at the three men.

"So... The angel has fallen for the huntress. How romantic... And helpful. Now I know, little miss Winchester can get extra special treatment during her stay... I'm sorry boys, but you can't have her back," he smirked and then clicked his fingers, disappearing and leaving the two hunters and the angel alone.

Dean looked at Castiel who stared at the floor, and suddenly he understood his earlier fury.

Castiel had been in love with you.

"Cas... Was something... Did she know?" He asked, having a hard time getting his words out.

Cas shook his head and frowned.

"I never told her. The time never felt right. Regretfully now it never will be."

Sam and Dean shared a look.

None of them had seen it, but the real question was, had you?

It was bad enough that you had died, but it would be even worse if you died without knowing that you were somebodys world.

Dean knew what hell was like, and it was tiny things like that which helped you get through the torture.

But you hadn't known. All you had to cling onto was the hope that your brothers were safe, and that the demons lied when they told you that they were dead.

Sam, Dean and Cas stood in silence for a few moments, all imagining the horrors that you were going through down there.

But then, without a word, Cas left, leaving Sam and Dean in the library.

Dean was the first to move.

He went over to a bookshelf and started finding as many books on hell as he could.

He piled them on the table and Sammy moved to join him.

"Dean, what are you..."

"There has to be a way, Sammy. If Cas can't go and get her, then it's gotta be us. We can't just leave her there. I wont," he promised, and Sam wanted to tell him that it was useless, but he wanted to believe that they could save your soul from that place. So instead, Sam sat down and looked at the books.

"So, where do we start?" He asked and Dean paused, surprised that Sam was game for this, but then he nodded to the pile of books.

"Hell gates. Lets find the door," he suggested and Sam nodded and picked up a book and started reading.

Little did the brothers know that Castiel was doing the same thing.

In heaven, Castiel searched for an answer. A back door into Hell that Crowley might not have remembered or warded.

Word spread about what he seeked faster than Castiel moved, and so when he finally approached his big brother, Balthazar, he held up his hand.

"I cannot give you the knowledge you seek," he stated and Castiel crossed his arms.

"Cannot or will not?" He challenged and Balthazars face changed to a grin.

"Castiel finally grew a pair? What is the cause?" He asked and Castiel frowned.

"They took her soul, Balthazar. Y/N is in Hell, and she should be in heaven. I have to save her," he muttered, thinking about how he could've saved her before, had he only answered Sam and Deans prayers.

Balthazar sympathised with his little brother, but he knew if Castiel led yet another charge into Hell to save the girl, it was highly unlikely that he would return.

What was it about the Winchesters anyway?

Balthazar had known about Castiels feelings for you, but he hadn't known how strong they were.

If Castiel was willing to risk it all, then clearly he cared a lot.

So would anything Balthazar say actually dissuade his little brother?

He doubted it, and so decided to help.

"There is a back door into Hell. But you cannot go there. Only humans can get out of the in between station..."

Castiel spared his brother a small grin and told him to continue.

Back in the bunker, Sam and Dean were losing patience.

Dean slammed the book shut and threw it aside, rubbing his blearly eyes before he picked up the next one.

Sam was about to do the same thing when there was a banging on the bunker door.

The boys shared a look before standing up and walking to the door together, guns drawn.

Dean opened the door and immediately relaxed.

Bobby Singer was in the doorway.

He didn't stay relaxed for long though because he saw the look on his friends face.

Bobbys chest was heaving with anger, but before anyone could ask him what was wrong, he charged into the bunker and smacked both boys around the head.

"You IDJITS!"

Dean rubbed his head and Sam stared at Bobby as he stormed off into the library.

They closed the door and warily followed him.

When they were all together, Bobby stopped pacing and stared at the two boys.

"Did neither of you think that you shouldve called me?!" He demanded and suddenly both boys knew why he was so mad.

He must have found out about your death.

Sam went to say something but Bobby pointed a finger at him.

"Don't even speak... The closest thing I have to a daughter dies, and none of you thought that that was something I might neex to know?!"

Sammy looked down but Dean met his glare.

"Instead I had to find out from chicken wings, over there?" He growled, nodding at Castiel who had appeared seconds before.

Dean looked away but then stood up.

"She's our sister. Don't you think we had more things on our minds than informing everybody that she's dead?" He demanded and Bobby shouted back.

"LIKE WHAT?"

Dean couldn't keep his cool any longer.

" LIKE GETTING HER BACK!" He yelled straight back, and Bobbys face softened as he looked at his two boys.

Nothing else needed to be said, so Bobby just nodded and sighed, walking over to the table to pick up a book and inspect the cover.

"So what's your plan? Raise her from the dead and hope she's not pissed that you pulled her from paradise?" He asked and the boys eyes widened.

Sammy broke the news to his father figure.

"She's not in Heaven... Crowley took her soul downstairs... We're going to rescue her from hell," he explained, and suddenly Bobby was fuming again.

"That Sonofabitch! Crowley you..."

Dean grabbed his arm.

"He's not gonna let her go. We've already tried... The only way we can save her is to bust her out," he muttered and Bobby relaxed and nodded.

"Okay. Do you know where any Hell gates are?" He asked and both brothers looked down and shook their heads.

" BALLS!" Bobby exclaimed and shoved a book across the table.

No one said anything for a moment, but then Castiel stepped forward and spoke.

"I believe I have found a way... A back door, you could say," he supplied and all three hunters turned to him to spill the beans.

When Cas had finished explaining, all of them nodded and Dean started to smile.

"We're gonna get her out!"


	3. Chapter 3

You didn't know how long you'd been in Hell, but it felt like forever.

You'd been there long enough that you'd goten used to the routine.

Two demons would come in and get you from your cell, they'd drag you,  kicking and screaming to where ever the days activities would be carried out, and then you'd be tortured and beaten.

At first it wasn't so bad.

Well it was plenty bad, but then one day Crowley had taken a personal interest in you, and since that day, you'd been his personal pin cushion. 

You didn't ever talk though, no matter how many times he stabbed, burned or broke you. You hadn't broke yet, and you hoped it would stay that way.

After what felt like weeks of torture, you'd be tossed back in your cell and tormented by the screams of other people trapped down there with you.

You'd pretty much learned to shut them out, and you could try and get an hour or two of sleep, curled up in the corner of your cell, waiting for the next session with the king.

You were that used to your routine that you were actually surprised when your cell door was opened not long after you'd been tossed inside.

You looked up from behind your matted hair and looked into the darkness.

"Who's there?" You demanded, wondering what the hell was going on.

There were two figures in the doorway, one really tall, and the other too, just not as much.

There was something familiar about them, but then they stepped into the light.

"Is that her?" The shorter one asked, his eyes the exact same colour as your own.

You couldn't believe your eyes.

Sam and Dean had come for you. Finally, after all the torture, it was over. They were busting you out.

You pulled yourself to your feet and threw yourself at them.

They hugged you back tightly and you'd never been so happy in your life.

"You came for me! I knew you would!"

They both held on to you tightly but there was no time to talk.

Sam stuck his head out of the door and looked both ways.

"Come on guys, we need to move before we get caught. I don't want to fight our way out. We're a bit out numbered," he whispered and you nodded and pooled your strength. You were still weak from all the torture,  but you weren't gonna let that slow you all down, so you gritted your teeth and ran with your brothers.

You heard the cries of others, begging to be saved too, but Sam and Dean had come for you alone.

You followed them around the dungeon looking halls you were carried down every day,  and just hoped that they had some fast track out of there.

You all stopped to catch your breath and you started questioning your brothers.

"How'd you guys get here?" You asked, looking around for a door way or something.

Dean glanced at you from where he was doubled over.

"Castiel brought us. He's around somewhere,  we split up to find you," he answered, and you were momentarily happy that you were gonna get to see your favourite angel again.

But then alarm bells started ringing in your head.

You remembered that Crowley had taunted how the angel was never gonna rescue you. He'd warded all the Hell gates so Castiel couldn't get in.

So how had he brought your brothers? 

Of course Crowley could've been lying. He was a demon after all, but you still had to check.

You used the link between you and Dean to try and see if your brother was lying, but there was nothing there. No link, and so no Dean.

You picked up one of the torches off the wall and without thinking twice about it, you swung it at Deans head, catching him off guard and he fell to the ground.

You went to run away, but as you turned, all you saw was Sammys fist headed for your face.

Then there was darkness.

When you came to, you were back in your cell and your "brothers" were leaning on the wall, watching you.

You slowly sat up, staring at the two men in the cell, trying to ignore the throbbing in your head and cheek.

"Who are you?" You demanded, watching the two men smirk at you.

Both of them blinked and when they opened their eyes, they were black.

Not your brothers then. Demons.

You sat up straight and looked between them, trying to remain composed.

The one with Sams face spoke.

"Did you like that little trick, Y/N? You thought you were getting out of here..."

"Dean" laughed.

"You're never getting out of here. Ever! Your brothers can't rescue you any more. They're dead!" He snarled and you felt a cold hand close around your heart.

They're demons, they're lying. Your brothers are fine... You chanted to yourself, trying to remain composed on the outside.

"Bullshit," you called, watching the demons frown at you, so you continued.

"You honestly think any of you assclowns could kill my brothers? Ha! I'd like to see you try. Oh wait..." You grinned and the one with Deans face moved forward and punched you in the face.

Your head snapped sideways with the force of the blow and you paused and then spat to the side, clearing your mouth of blood.

Then you looked back at them.

"Is that all you got?" You challenged, a slight smirk on your face.

Growling,  "Dean" stepped forward to hit you again, but "Sam" stopped him. 

"Enough!"

He kneeled down in front of you and grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him.

You tried to tug away but he grip was too strong. 

"If your brothers aren't dead, how do you explain the meat suits?" He asked and you froze and felt your eyes go wide.

But then you came back to yourself and rolled your eyes, grabbing the collar of his shirt and yanking it down to expose a clean chest. No tattoos.

You pulled a face at them.

"Thats poor acting man. Weak... They have anti possession tattoos. You'd never get in their meat suits. You guys are just cheap knock offs," you sighed.

"Sam" let go of your chin and grabbed your arm, pulling you to your feet.

"You've been here ten years now. Why don't you just..."

"Ten years? Man I look good for dealing with ten years of this shit! You guys must be slacking... tut tut," you shook your head slowly, knowing that all your cockiness and bravado was probably gonna hurt you later, but you couldn't help it.

"Dean" punched you again, this time in the stomach and you doubled up, coughing.

When you straightened up,  you looked him dead in the eye.

"So... Do I get a membership card now or what? Free pen?" You gasped through your pain,  making sure that you were getting on the bastards nerves.

The demon holding you up stopped the other one from attacking again and instead half smiled at you.

" You do amuse me. You Winchesters are all the same. Though your brother usually stopped mouthing off when we hit him about a few times... Anyone would think that you liked it..."

You just grinned at him,  feeling the blood in your mouth, so you spat again,  hitting the floor an inch to the left of Deans foot.

You heard him growl but didn't see the fist headed for your ribs.

You felt it though, and you cried out against your will, making both demons grin. 

"Sam" looked at you and shook his head.

"Why don't you just tell Crowley what you know, and maybe he'll go easy on you?" He offered, but you stood up straight and shook your head.

"Nah man, tell Crowley I like it rough," you spat, knowing that you'd be made to pay for your smart ass comments,  but it half made it worth it knowing that you were frustrating the demon.

He dropped you and you fell to the floor, hurting your hands.

You watched the demons leave you, and once you were sure they weren't coming back, you crawled back to your corner and pulled your knees to your chest, finally allowing the tears to escape.

You didn't think you could deal with much more of this, but you knew that there was never going to be an end to it.

So the least you could do was to keep your mouth shut and hopefully your brothers would come for you.

The demons told you that you'd been there for ten years. You knew that time passed faster in Hell, so you wondered how long you had been dead and if your brothers even knew you were in Hell yet.

Dean slammed his fist down on the table.

"Goddamn it! She's been down there a month now! That's like ten years to her! If we don't do this soon, she's not even gonna be herself anymore! I don't even think heaven could fix that kind of broken."

Sam immediately stood up and went to re run over the check list, making sure they had everything that they'd need for a trip downstairs. 

Castiel had learned from Balthazar that there was a back door into hell, but they had to travel through purgatory to get there.

That meant that Cas couldn't come with on the rescue mission, and he'd have to wait in heaven for your soul to arrive.

Castiel hated not being able to go with the brothers to rescue you. He felt like the time was stretching out. He hadn't seen you for a month, which to an angel, isn't a long time. But to Castiel it felt like millennia. 

He knew that it had to be a full moon for the ritual to get to purgatory to work, but still. Everytime the brothers went to bed, Castiel couldn't help but want to smite them.

It wasn't their fault, but he just wanted you back.

At least in heaven he knew you'd be safe, and he could still go and see you.

The thought of you stuck in Hell with demons that you'd probably sent there yourself, made his vessels stomach turn over.

He didn't even want to think of what was happening to you, but he knew all too well.

Castiel hadn't seen Crowley since that day in the bunker, but if he did, Castiel was going to rip him limb from limb and smite the demon bastard.

For his sake, he'd better not have had any part in hurting you, or Castiel was going to do much more than what he already planned.

You screamed as Crowley smirked and dug a burning hot poker into your stomach and the smell of burning flesh hit your nose.

When he pulled it back, you stopped screaming and gasped in your breath, feeling the tears that trailed down your face.

You gave yourself a second and then turned to look at Crowley and tried to smirk, even though you were sure it just looked like a grimace. 

"That... tickled..."

Crowley laughed and put the poker down and stepped around your head, moving to your other side and stroking your hair back off your sweat covered forehead.

"Come on darling. Just give up the secrets. You've won. You're the longest time anyone was withheld information under such intense torture. You're a brave girl. But no one will think any less of you if tell me everything now."

You met his eyes and felt your face soften.

"Really? You promise?" You asked and Crowleys face opened with excitement,  but he just nodded.

You sighed and closed your eyes.

"Okay then. If I've lasted the longest, lets see how much longer I can take. I must say I like a challenge," you mocked,  seeing Crowleys face contort in anger and then he went back to the table and picked up a mean looking device.

"YOU WILL TELL ME!" He shouted as he plunged a knife into your thigh and picked up your hand.

You immediately clenched your fists, but Crowley opened it and stuck your pointer finger in the hole.

"Shall we see how long the little princess keeps quiet once she starts losing fingers?" He taunted,  giving you one last chance to talk before he started taking body parts.

Tears blurred your vision as ypu screamed at him.

"Its just my soul! Its not real. They'll grow back!" You screamed, scared shitless of what he was going to do.

Suddenly he jerked and shoved your middle finger back, and you heard the snap almost before you felt the pain.

You bit your lip to stop from crying out as he broke your finger, but more tears still flowed from your eyes.

"Does it feel any less real though?!" He growled in your face as he squeezes the machine in his hand.

Your screams could be heard all the way back to your cell.

Sam and Dean gathered in the woods underneath the full moon and looked at each other across the alter.

"You ready?" Dean asked and Sam nodded.

The ritual required blood, so the boys took it in turns to cut across their arms and let the blood spill onto the grass.

Then they started the chant.

When they were done, they opened their eyes and looked around.

"It didn't work!" Dean yelled and went to kick the alter over, but suddenly he and Sam were yanked off their feet by an invisible force and pulled through a portal that opened.

When they were spat out on the other side, it was daylight and they were in the woods.

They quickly got to their feet and scanned their immediate area.

There was nothing in sight.

Sam looked over at Dean and saw that he was already walking, heading West. 

Sam jogged to join him and they followed Balthazars instructions to find the back door.

Back on earth, Castiel paced the floor of the bunker, Bobby watching him from a seat at the table as he chewed on his thumb nail.

After another minute or so, Bobby smacked his hand down on the table and shattered the silence.

"Christ boy, will you stop pacing! You're making me sweat!" He growled and Castiel looked up and glared at the old man before moving to sit down opposite him.

Both men were bitter that they couldn't go on the rescue mission, but they knew that it was smart for as few people to sneak in as possible, and it was Sam and Deans place to do so. You were their sister.

It didn't make it any easy to accept though, and soon enough Cas was back on his feet and pacing again. 

Bobby rolled his eyes and got back to biting his nail.

Back in your cell, you were curled up in a ball, still shaking from your last session with Crowley.

Your fingers were still there, as you knew they would be, but that didn't help you to forget about the pain.

You were shaking and crying, and you honestly believed that if Crowley came into your cell then and even looked at you, you'd probably tell him everything. 

You wiped your eyes as you heard footsteps approach,  and then your demon brothers were in the doorway.

You turned your head away as you spoke to them.

" Y/N's not coming out to play today. She has to clean her room. Come back tomorrow!" You tried and Dean chuckled and tossed something through the bars at you.

It was a granola bar.

"The king doesn't want you too weak or you'll be passing out and missing all the fun!" 

You snatched the bar up and wolfed it down.

They didn't feed you often in there, so whenever you got food, you ate it fast enough that they couldnt take it back.

The demons left you alone and you started to relax again, but then the footsteps came back.

You looked up and saw that they were opening the cell door.

"Forgot something?" You asked as you watched them through blurry, swollen eyes.

They paused as they looked at you, no grins on their faces now.

The one pretending to be Dean staggered towards you and fell down in front of you, to his knees.

You couldn't help but flinch as you watched him, and you wondered what he was going to do to you now.

He stared into your eyes and then hesitantly reached out to touch your face.

You moved away from his hand, not particularly interested in letting him wrap it around your neck.

He frowned and you saw the tears in his eyes.

"Y/N, its us... We've come to save you," he whispered and you narrowed your eyes at him and pushed him away.

"This is getting old guys! I mean seriously. We've been over this. I'm too goddamn tired to be running around with you. Just leave me the hell alone!" You yelled, ignoring the demon who looked like Dean as he told you to shush.

You turned your face away and tried to go back to sleep, but suddenly arms were beneath you as you were carefully lifted up.

You instinctively wrapped your arms around his neck, scared that he'd drop you, just for kicks.

The demon was being strange again and he leant down and kissed the top of your matted hair.

"I'm so sorry Y/N. We couldn't get to you any sooner. But you're alright. We've got you. We're gonna get you some place safe," he promised, and for a moment your defence fell.

Tears stung your eyes again as the demon got the act so dead on that you almost believed it was your brother holding you.

Almost without thinking, your mind searched for the link, and with a jolt, you felt it there, as strong as ever.

"Dean?! Its really you guys?" You asked as it hit you.

Dean squeezed you tighter to him for a moment.

"I promise. We've come for you. We're getting you out," he whispered.

You couldn't help the sobs then.

Sam and Dean were actually there and you were free. Well nearly.

You made Dean put you down, and he did so begrudgingly,  having felt how muvh weight you'd lost and how weak you looked.

As soon as you were stable on your feet, you launched yourself at your little brother, grabbing him in a hug as tight as you could manage. 

He held onto you too, scared that you might break if he hugged you too tightly.

He couldn't help the tears too then.

He'd missed you so much.

When he let you go, you turned back to your twin and looked at him.

He looked tired, but other than that, he was still your brother and so you walked into his embrace and held onto him as you tried not to cry any more.

He rested his chin on your head and held you close, knowing the you had too keep moving, but that might be the last time he saw you until he died, so he was going to hug you and make the moment last.

"I've missed you," he whispered and you nodded.

"Its not the same when we're apart... These demons have been giving it their best shot, but even they can't piss me off as much as you do," you joked and Dean chuckled.

Dean had been terrified that when they found you, you'd just be a broken piece of the sister that they'd lost, but you amazed him.

Sure, you looked beaten and broken, but you still had that look in your eye.

The look of defiance, and the promise of a give em hell attitude. 

Eyes of a fighter.

You let go of your brother and wiped your eyes again, looking down at your wrecked clothes and looking forward to a warm bath.

You hadn't had one in literally years, and now it was all you could think about.

You ran behind Sam, Dean holding your hand as you ran, the way you used to when you were kids.

He could always outrun you, but he held onto your hand in a silent promise that he'd never leave you behind.

Up ahead, a demon rounded the corner, but instead of ducking away from sight, Sammy charged it and stuck his knife into its abdomen,  holding onto it until it stopped flickering.

He let it drop to the floor and then you and Dean followes him.

"You sure you know where you're going?" Dean demanded in a whisper and Sammy made his point by opening up what looked like another cell and stepping through.

You and Dean followed and you found yourself outside in the woods.

You almost started cheering, but then Dean held his finger to his lips to silence you.

You turned to Sam.

"Where are we?" You asked quietly and he kept his eyes on the trees as he whispered back.

"Purgatory."

You froze, but then Dean decided that it was safe to continue, so you started walking.

You spoke to your brothers as you stumbled over the ground, asking after everything, and eventually you thought about baths again, and you started rambling to your brothers.

"I can't wait to just get home... I want a bath... and my books! Oh and my bed... You guys haven't messed with my stuff have you?" You asked and saw Sam and Dean exchange a look before you all stopped.

Sammy decided that he would break the news to you, and Dean crossed his arms and looked at you.

" Y/N, you aren't coming home..." Sam started off softly, and at first you thought it was a joke and you started laughing,  but then you saw the looks on your brothers faces.

"W...What do you mean, I'm not coming home?"

Sam sighed and tears itched his eyes.

"Y/N, you died... We buried you... You don't belong on earth any more. You're going to Heaven. To be with everyone else..."

You started shaking your head and Dean reached out to comfort you, but you twisted away.

"No!.. No. I don't want to go," you whispered,  your voice breaking halfway through, and Sam and Dean felt like they were losing you again.

Sam pulled you into a hug and you held onto him, scared of what was going to happen next.

You were sure that you weren't ready to die yet. You still had loads to do.

For Christ sake, you were a girl and you'd never even been in love!

And you'd come so close.

But one bad dance with a hell hound, and now you never would. It was unfair.

But there was nothing you could do about it, so you looked between your brothers. 

"So what? We get out of here and I take the express way to heaven?" You asked and they nodded.

You weren't happy, but it was the natural way of life, so you squared your shoulders and turned back to Sam.

"So I guess this is goodbye?" You asked and he nodded.

You noticed how his lower lip wobbled, so you attacked him in a hug and held onto him, wishing that you didn't have to let him go.  But you did.

You stepped away from him and looked up into his face.

"Goodbye little brother. I'll miss you... and I love you," you smiled before turning to the other brother.

Dean had his arms crossed as he stared at the hill and not at you.

You lightly punched his shoulder and made him look at you.

You held your arms out and he sighed and then moved into the hug.

He was clearly as happy about this as you were, but it was happening,  even if you pouted all the way into the afterlife.

"I love you Dean," you muttered and Dean laughed and squeezed you a little tighter.

"You're only human, " he joked as he released you.

You looked at both your brothers with pride. They were going to be fine without you, you just knew it.

"You'd better look after each other. If I see you guys in heaven in any less than thirty years, I'll kick both of your asses!" You threatened and they both chuckled and nodded. 

"Good."

You took both of your brothers hands as you all started up the hill to the portal.

The wind whipped your hair around your head, but then you were in the portal.

You felt your brothers grips dissappear from you and you looked down and saw them on the ground, looking up at where you floated around the trees.

Before you knew what was happening, you were fluttering off, leaving your brothers far behind you.

Sam and Dean watched you go, identical smiles on their faces as you were finally freed.

Tjey climbed to their feet and dusted themselves off.

"Lets go home? " Sam asked and Dean nodded and started leading the way.

It was going to be quiet without you, but at least they could rest easy knowing you were at peace.

You didn't know how long you drifted for, but eventually you felt something happen and you felt your spirit take form again. You were able to feel as if you were human again.

You must've been in Heaven.

You smiled and opened your eyes.

All that met you was darkness, and you frowned a little before sticking your hands out in front of you. Almost immediately they hit something solid. 

You started to panic as you realised three things.

You were trapped in a box.

You weren't in heaven. 

You were buried alive!

As soon as you realised,  you couldn't help it anymore.

You started to scream.


	4. Chapter 4

You screamed and screamed, pounding  on the lid of your coffin, unable to calm down in the small space.

After a while it became apparent what you were screaming,  just one word, over and over again.

"CASTIEL!"

Tears were streaming from your eyes, and you briefly wondered if you were still in Hell. 

Was this a new form of torture? If so, Crowley had finally cracked it.

You were extremely claustrophobic,  and your worst fear was the situation you found yourself in.

You pulled in a breath through your raw throat and got ready to scream for help again, but then you heard a noise from above you.

You didn't even hesitate before screaming again, battering your hands on the roof of the box as you screamed for Castiel, even if it didn't make sense to whoever was above you, they'd still hear you.

Your pounding on the box only made dirt fall down and into your eyes, but you didn't care. You wanted out.

It only took another minute or so, but then the lid of the box was ripped off and you were pulled out, still crying and screaming. 

The light had blinded you as you came out, so you couldn't even see your saviour, but you recognised the voice as soon as you stopped screaming.

Castiel had found you.

He lifted you out of your grave and set you down on the ground, and through your tears and blurred vision, you saw the black haired, blue eyed angel leaning over you.

You realised that he was talking to you, but you were still having a panic attack and couldn't focus on him.

There was pain in you chest and when you looked down you saw why.

Wounds from another lifetime were still there, and it looked like the hellhound had only just attacked you.

The pain shocked you into a calm state and Castiel touched two fingers to your forehead, instantly healing you and making you feel 100x better.

You lay on the ground panting for a few moments until you felt calmer.

Slowly you sat up and looked around.

It was a crisp morning wherever you were and you shivered and looked at Castiel.

His big blue eyes were wide as they drank you in, seeing you for what felt like the first time.

He could see your soul, just as defiant and beautiful as it was before, if not a little darker around the edges.

He couldn't stop staring at you, but you didn't care.

You were free and you were alive. That was always a good thing.

But still... You needed a moment to adjust.

Leaning forward, you leant your head on Cas's shoulder and closed your eyes. 

Tears still trickled from your eyes, but you'd managed to get your gross sobbing under control.

You worried about Castiel. He'd never seen you cry before, let alone have a full on break down. You wanted to pull back and talk to him, but after the amount of time you spent in Hell, you were happy to just sit there and breathe the scent of him in and be near him. 

Castiel was unsure of what to do. Never before had so many human emotions been conflicting inside him. 

He wanted to hold you, but he also knew that he wasn't worthy... He'd let you down in your moment of need and you'd died.

So he also wanted to take you to your brothers and disappear, to not bother you with his unworthy presence. 

But Castiel was too selfish for that, so he went with his heart, something that usually got him in trouble, but he didn't care.

He'd be dammed if he was going to let you slip away from him this time without knowing how he felt about you. Even if you didn't feel the same. You had to know that he loved you, and he would never let you get hurt again.

You were surprised when Cas wrapped his arm around you and put his hand on the back of your neck, holding you to him. It sent shivers down your spine, so you moved closer and held onto him, pretty sure that you weren't going to let him go unless somebody pulled you off.

You shivered again, this time with the cold and Castiel was unsure what to do, but then his vessels memories helped him through what he should do, so he let go of you for a second and you sat back to see what he was doing.

Gently he placed his trenchcoat around your shoulders, and immediately your face warmed.

You didn't think you'd be capable of blushing after your time downstairs. You didn't think human things would ever affect you again.

Then again, Castiel wasn't human.

He watched your cheeks colour and couldn't help himself from reaching out to trail his fingers across your cheek, making your eyes lift to his face.

Cas met your gaze and for a split second you thought that he was going to kiss you.

But then he started to talk.

"Y/N, I am sorry. If I had answered your brothers when they called, none of this would have happened. But I was distracted in heaven, and looking back now, I can see that it wasn't even that important, but it was the cause of your death, and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself..."

You put your finger to his lips, trying to hush him, but he clearly didn't understand what you were saying as he carried on talking.

So you'd silence him another way.

Clearly your time in Hell had made you bold, and thinking you were going to the afterlife made you appreciate the things that only life could give, so you made up your mind and leant forward, gently pressing your lips to his. 

Almost immediately he stopped talking, at first a little unsure of what to do.

For some reason, he knew that what he learned from the pizza man was not right for this moment, so he had to rely on his vessels memories.

So Castiel gently kissed you back and stroked the side of your face with his thumb.

You pulled back after a few seconds and moved your head back to his shoulder, half to hide the blush and half to stop him from trying to give you a proper kiss as you were fairly certain that you had death breath and didn't want that to be his first impression of the kiss.

"I forgive you, Cas. Don't worry about it. I'm back now. That's all that matters. Its a fresh start," you promised, and although he didn't think he deserved forgiveness, Castiel nodded, just because he knew it was what you desired.

You didn't want Cas to leave you, and the meadow you'd been buried in was beautiful,  but it was where you'd been buried. So you took Cas's hand and looked at him.

"Take me home?" You asked, and he nodded and helped you to your feet.

When you were stood up, Cas tried to take his hand back, but you held on and he smiled at you and surprised you by pulling you to him and wrapping his arms around you tightly.

You hid your face in his chest and held on as your stomach suddenly dropped and your legs gave out.

You felt like you were falling, but then Cas had you and you were being helped to the ground again.

You opened your eyes and frowned around the pounding in your head.

You were on the side of a road somewhere and Cas was leaning over you again, his eyes worried as he checked you over.

"I am sorry. I should have known that it was dangerous to attempt that so soon."

You sat up and looked around, wondering what the hell had happened.

"You are too weak to be flown anywhere yet. If we tried again, it could be fatal for you," he explained and you tilted your head in confusion,  a habit you'd picked up from the angel.

"But you healed me..."

Cas sighed and sat next to you, watching the frosty road with you.

"I only healed your body. Your spirit is still broken, but the only one who can heal it is you... Flying with angels requires a... charge, you could say. It borrows energy from your soul to make the trip, but your soul... It went through a lot... I can see it. Its darker than before, and frayed around the edges... But still beautiful. And strong. I know you can get through this," he promised and you allowed yourself a small smile.

Sighing, you stood up and Cas joined you.

"Well if we can't fly, I guess we've gotta drive," you suggested and started walking along side the road, hoping that you were close to a town, because it was freezing.

You wrapped your arms around yourself and pulled Cas's coat tighter around yourself. 

But then you looked and Cas and felt guilty.

"Are you cold?" You asked and Cas shook his head, a small smile on his face.

"I am adequate."

You rolled your eyes and moved closer to him, reaching your hand up to feel his face.

His cheeks was warm though and you blushed as he looked at you, and pulled your hand back.

You didn't think you'd ever blushed so much in your life, but you knew exactly why he was having this affect on you.

You loved him. You'd figured it out in Hell, maybe on the third session. 

The only way you'd been able to switch off as best you could, was to think of him.

You'd lost track of the amount of times you'd prayed to him, begging him to come and save you, and when you learned that he couldn't,  you'd pray just so that you'd have someone to talk to... Even if he couldn't talk back. You just wanted him to know that you hadn't broken yet. You were still fighting,  and you weren't gonna give up.

You'd also told him that you loved him. Every single day, but you didn't know if he even heard your prayers.

As you looked across at him, you half debated asking him, but then if he hadn't heard you, you'd have to tell him what you said.

And what if he rejected you? You'd literally been through Hell with one of the only things to hold onto being the memory of his smile. You didn't think you'd cope if he rejected you after all that. 

But he didn't pull away when you'd kissed him. Did that mean anything? 

You looked at the angel and found him already looking at you.

God you'd missed him. You'd forgotten how truely glorious he was to look at, and how his smile could quite easily snatch your breath away.

He was thinking similar thought about you.

His memories didn't do you justice, even reanimated and dragged from the grave, you were beautiful,  and he had to fight against every impulse to just pull you close and kiss you like there was no tomorrow,  but he stopped himself.

You needed time, and space, so if that was all he could give to you, he would.

After another fifteen minutes, you reached the next town.

Sticking to the sides and alleyways, you searched for a car that you could take.

Eventually you found one, and Cas climbed in the passenger side while you crouched under the steering wheel and got to work on hot wiring it.

It took three tries, but then roared to life and you cheered and put your foot down, getting out of town as fast as you could, Castiel looking worried in the passengers side.

You laughed and put the radio on, finding a classic rock station and turning the volume up high.

You'd missed driving.

Looking over at Cas you saw that he was watching you with a bemused smile on his face, so you turned the volume down and looked at him.

"What?" You asked, and he shook his head and spoke over the radio.

"I thought you were trying to be inconspicuous..." 

You were confused as you kept your eyes on the road.

"Yeah. So?" You asked, peeking back at Cas, who grinned at you.

"You drive like you stole it!" He commented and you couldn't help it, you threw your head back and laughed, putting your foot down even more.

Castiel shook his head and chuckled.

After about an hour, the novelty of driving again wore off and your thoughts and memories caught up with you.

You tried to hide from them, but it was impossible. 

Even the radio ceased to distract you any more so you turned it off, driving in silence.

The air was thick with tension as you tried to focus on driving, but it was getting harder for you to keep your eyes open, and after the third time of finding yourself nodding off, you decided to call it quits for the day.

You'd been driving for five hours, but you still had maybe four to go, and you knew that you weren't gonna be able to do it in a one, so you pulled up on the side of the road and switched the engine off.

Cas looked over at you from where you thought he'd been sleeping, a question in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Cas. I can't drive any more today. I need to sleep. I'm so tired," you mumbled, feeling torn.

You really wanted to see your brothers, to let them know that you were alright, but you also couldn't drive any more.

Turning back to Cas, you had an idea.

"Will you go to my brothers? Ask them to come and get me? I don't think I can drive all that way..."

Cas was already shaking his head at you, so you trailed off.

"I'm not leaving you alone. Not until you're safe in the bunker... But I believe I can help," he offered and you raised your eyebrows at him.

He motioned for you to undo your belt, and when you did, he lifted you out of the drivers seat as he slid over to it, putting you down where he'd been seconds before.

You stared at him, disbelieving of what you were seeing. 

"Since when do you drive?"

He smirked at you.

"Since Dean taught me," he answered,  and you weren't quite sure if it was sarcasm or not, so you let it slide.

He started the engine again and you watched him carefully, making sure that if you went to sleep you weren't gonna wake up as roadkill.

He seemed fairly competent so slowly you relaxed and leant on your arm, attempting to sleep.

Using the trenchcoat as a cover, you finally got comfortable and managed to drift off.

Castiel watched you, unable to help the smile that spread across his face at seeing you asleep, finally looking peaceful.

You'd curled up on the seat, your booted feet beneath you, like you were asleep on a sofa instead of a cramped seat in a car.

Castiel had to remind himself that he had to watch the road instead of you, but each time, his eyes would move back to you of their own accord. 

After three hours, you didn't look so peaceful anymore, your face screwed up into a grimace and your eyes started flickering beneath your lids.

You moaned and flinched, seemly trying to get away from something that haunted you.

Castiel watched for a moment before reaching out to you and shaking your shoulder a little, hoping to wake you,  but you slept on, starting to lash out in your dream.

"Y/N, WAKE UP!" he shouted, but still you didn't. 

In your nightmare, you were back in Hell, running through the hall where your cell had been, trying to get away from Crowley and the demons with your brothers faces.

They chased you with all the things they'd used to torture you, calling your name as you ran.

Everytime you turned a corner, they were there, waiting for you.

Finally you thought you'd lost them and you stopped to catch your breath, but as you did, you heard the familiar sound of a hell hound growling, and you slowly turned around to see one the size of a small horse. 

You saw it jump and you screamed and screamed. 

You sat up that fast that you knocked heads with Cas, who was shaking your shoulders, trying to wake you.

You stopped screaming once you realised that you were back in the car, not in Hell.

Your heart was hammering in your chest, making you feel like you were having a heart attack, so you tried to calm down.

Your stomach turned over and you opened the car door and leaned out, throwing up the very small contents of your stomach.

Cas rubbed your back and held your hair back, murmuring soothing words to you as you fought for your breath.

When you were done, you looked up and saw that it was dark out and you were parked in the parking lot of a gas station.

You groaned and sat back, not closing the door as the cool night air was pleasant on your face.

You closed you eyes and leant back in your seat, embarrassed as hell that Cas had just witnessed that.

The tears had started again, and they fell silently down your face, leaving a trail in the grime.

After a minute,  you dug in your pockets, looking for your wallet, but you knew that your brothers would have taken it, so you gave up.

But then you remembered your secret stash. 

Leaning forward, you started undoing your boot and you pulled it off sticking your hand into it and smiling shakily as your fingers felt the paper there. 

You put your shoe back on and turned to Cas.

"I need to clean up, so I'm going in there to buy some supplies. Do you want to wait here?" 

He shook his head and you just nodded and climbed out of the car, dodging the sick on the floor.

You walked towards the gas station and saw the guy behind the counter staring at you as you approached. 

To be fair, you didn't blame him. You probably looked like something out of Dawn of the Dead.

When you got inside, you made sure the coat was done up properly to hide all the blood, and walked around, picking up various things and adding them to the basket.

You'd just picked up shampoo when you felt soneone behind you and you turned to see the guy who worked there. His name tag told you that his name was Greg, and the way he stared out the window, you could tell that he was nervous.

"Excuse me, miss. Do you need me to call the police? Are you alright?" He asked, keeping his voice  low as he looked around, and after a minute you understood what he was doing.

You smiled at him and shook your head, following his gaze to where Castiel was leaning by the door, looking out into the night.

"I'm fine thank you... Well I am now... I got lost in the woods, and had to call my boyfriend to come and save me... It turns out that I'm not nearly as good at camping as I thought. I lost everything and was wandering around for three days before I could even call him... it was a nightmare," you laughed,  trying to keep him calm, and immediately his face relaxed and he smiled back, eating up your story.

He returned to the counter and you finished collecting the supplies up and went to pay.

Greg smiled at you as he started scanning your items.

You paid with the fifty from your shoe and started to leave, but Greg called after you.

"Miss? Don't you want any gas?" He asked, and you looked out at the car and then down at the change in your hand.

"Only if it costs less than a dollar," you smiled and turned to walk, but he shouted after you.

"This ones on me. You've had a pretty rough week, I don't think you want to break down in the middle of nowhere."

You couldn't believe it, but you beamed at him and thanked him.

You ordered Cas to fill the tank while you went to use the bathroom.

Inside of the cold building, you finally had the privacy that you needed.

You hung Cas's coat up on the back of the door and then slowly began the process of trying to get clean.

There was nothing you could do for your jeans, so you left them on and peeled your shirt and tee off, throwing them in one of the sinks and filling it with water, hoping to get most of the grime off.

Then you turned and looked into the mirror on the wall.

You weren't surprised that Greg had wanted to call the police,  you would've too if you'd seen someone in that state.

Your hair was matted around your head, caked with dirt and blood, and your face was brown with dirt.

Then your stomach and chest were covered with dried blood, some fresh, some a month old.

You left your bra on and used your shirt to clean all the dirt off of you, letting you see the freckled face that you recognised.

When your face and body were as clean as you could get them, you started washing your tee in the sink, wringing the water out before hanging it around the hand dryer and pressing the button, holding it down with the shopping bag.

You used a razor to deal with your under arms,  and then it was time to deal with your hair.

You leaned over the free sink and washed your hair as best you could, before giving it the same treatment as your tee and wringing it out and then sticking it under the hand dryer and pressing the button. 

When your tee was dry and your hair was just damp, you pulled your tee and put your hair up into a messy bun.

Then it was just deodorant and a toothbrush left to use.

Once you were done, you didn't have anything to think about but your nightmare, and you felt the fear in your stomach, but you knew you had to deal with it sooner or later, so instead of shutting the thoughts down, you let them take control, and you sat down on the floor and leaned back against the wall, closing your eyes and letting the images assault your mind. 

At first it was hard as the sound of hell hounds and souls screaming for help filled your ears, so real that you nearly had to open your eyes to remember that you were sitting on the floor in a bathroom, not back in your cell.

But you resisted,  and as your mind took you on a tour of your worst nightmares,  you clenched your fists so tight that your nails dug into your palm, helping you to feel the difference between real pain, and the memory of pain.

You don't know how long you sat there, but eventually you felt someone sit down beside you and take one of your hands in their own.

It could only be Castiel, so you didn't open your eyes, but you relaxed that hand and allowed him to entwine your fingers with his.

Facing your demons was easier with Cas sat next to you, and once your mind had thrown all it could at you, you slowly opened your eyes.

You felt better, but still far from alright, something Castiel understood as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and guided your head into his chest.

This time you didn't cry, you just stared at a spot on the floor.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Cas asked and you hesitated before nodding.

But before you started about Hell, you wanted to know something that had been bugging you since you appeared back in your body.

"Why am I not in Heaven?" You asked and Cas went with you, explaining that if the fates didn't think it was your time, then access to paradise wouldn't be given and you'd be returned to your body.

You nodded in understanding, and then stood up, not willing to bare all the shit that had happened to you in a grimy bathroom of a gas station. 

Cas followed you as you picked up your shopping bag and his coat, unlocking the door and crossing the parking lot to the car.

You waved goodbye to Greg and then got in the passenger seat, turning the heater on.

Cas started to engine and pulled back onto the road.

You waited until you'd gone maybe two miles before you spoke.

"They made themselves look like my brothers."

Cas turned his head to look at you, but you just stared at your hands.

"They made me think that I was being rescued, but it was just them toying with me... and then when I figured it out, they beat me. Wearing my brothers faces... I knew it wasn't them, but it didn't make it any better... And Crowley... He didn't have anything to do with me in the beginning, but then one day he did, and from then on, it just got worse... He used to do such horrible things, and it just got worse when I didn't tell him what he wanted to know."

You took a shakey breath before continuing. 

"He used to burn me, and stab me and break my bones, but I still wouldn't talk. And then I'd be thrown back in my cell and tormented by the demons that looked like my brothers... Sometimes I'd even be thrown in with the hellhounds, and it was just like dying all over again, but there wasn't an end. Just an endless cycle of torment... When my brothers eventually found me, I didn't even believe it was them, and I wouldn't go with them..."

You trailed off and balled your fists to stop your hands from shaking.

"...and then afterwards... When I was back in my body... I thought I was in Hell still and it was all just a big trick they'd pulled on me... One more day Cas... that's all it would have taken, and I'd have told Crowley everything. I just... I couldn't bare it any longer."

You finished talking, and Cas stayed silent next to you, so after a moment you looked up at him.

The sight that met you was almost as bad as the things you'd seen in Hell. 

Castiel was crying. 

A single tear ran down his cheek and his lower lip trembled, and you were so shocked that you reached out and caught the tear as it fell.

You stared at it like you'd never seen water before and then you looked back up at Cas, a question falling from your mouth before you could stop it.

"Did you hear my prayers?"

Cas turned to look at you, his blue eyes wide with some unknown emotion.

You took that as a no.

"Well I prayed to you, Cas. Every day. Not even for you to save me. Just to help me get through it all... You're one of the only things that kept me sane down there, Cas. So I guess I love you," you said, but then you slapped a hand over your mouth as you realised what you said.

You'd meant to tell him that you owed him, but you were thinking about how much you loved him,  and the L word just slipped out.

Once again, you found yourself blushing like a twat.

Cas hadn't responded, and you turned away to stare out of the window.

You were starting to recognise the area around you, and you knew that you were only a few miles from home. 

Another few miles passed in silence and then Cas pulled up onto the drive that you knew would lead you to the bunker and your heart started hammering in anticipation of seeing your brothers again, not to mention getting out of the awks-mobile. 

Two minutes later and you were home. 

You were nervous of going inside, so you just sat for a moment whilst Cas got out and walked around the front to your side.

He opened your door for you and you climbed out and closed the door, taking a step forward to go and see your brothers, but then Cas grabbed your  wrist and spun you around until your back was against the car, and then he kissed you. 

He kissed you like you'd never been kissed before, and your toes curled inside your shoes.

You leaned into the kiss and your hands travelled up his chest and wrapped around the back of his neck, holding him close to you.

His hands were on your hips, and you felt the warmth of them where your tee had rode up, revealing bare skin beneath, quickly getting covered by goosebumps where he touched.

His tongue traced your bottom lip and then met yours, making your legs feel a little weak.

But then he pulled back and planted a trail of kisses from your lips to your ear, where he whispered to you.

"I think now is the right time to tell you that I too, guess that I love you," he whispered and you smiled and kissed him once more before pulling back and taking his hand, turning to face the bunker and whatever waited on the other side.


	5. Chapter 5

"I want her back! How could you let her escape? Did it escape your notice that she was a Winchester? You should have been watching her all the time!" Crowley roared at the two demons in front of him.

The two demons that had been in charge of your torment during your time in Hell.

But then you'd escaped.

And Crowley was pissed.

He slammed his fist down on his desk and snarled at the two demons, both still wearing the faces of the bloody Moose and Squirrel that were the bane of Crowleys life.

"She's in Heaven now, and even I can't get her back from there. And that little fact displeases me..."

The demons knew what was coming as they anxiously looked at each other and then back at the King.

Crowley just sat back down in his chair, and for a moment they thought that they'd gotten away with it. But then they heard the growl of a Hellhound and Crowley smirked and sat back in his chair, uttering the three words that would seal the two demons fates.

"Sic 'em boy."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling,  thinking about how different life was gonna be now.

Y/N was gone for real this time, finally at peace in heaven, and it was just him and Sammy again, like it had been before Y/N had found them, on their dad's orders.

Still. He and Sammy liked hunting with their sister, even spending time with you.

You didn't let shit get to you, and you could always bring both of them out of their dark moods if a hunt had gone wrong.

Who was going to stop Sam and Dean from killing each other now?

Dean rolled over onto his front and sighed, praying to a God that he didn't really believe in, to keep his sister safe up there and make sure the angels didn't give you hell because of the apocalypse incident.

Not that she couldn't kick all of their asses, one handed... He thought with a small smile.

You were the fiestiest out of the three Winchesters. You always had been, even as a kid.

Dean remembered when you were both ten and the school bully had chosen Dean as his next target and thrown a stone at his head.

You had the guy crying on the floor before Dean had even turned around, even though the bully was two years older than you and probably had three inches on you. Not to mention the fact that Dean could have easily handled himself.

And then in prom year, when someone had said something about Dean wearing jeans and a leather jacket to prom, you'd lost your cool and attacked, even though Dean didn't care. He'd only gone to make sure that no douchebags were gonna try it on with you if you started drinking.

You had always been more protective of your brothers than yourself.

He could never understand how you'd fearlessly get into fights with guys bigger and older than you without a seconds hesitation if they even looked at your brothers the wrong way, but how you'd come home in tears if girls said nasty things to you.

It tore Dean up that you'd been tormented in Hell by demons with his and Sams faces.

He knew who to blame too.

That son of a bitch, Crowley was seriously gonna get what was coming to him.

If he was smart, he wouldn't surface any time soon.

He was safe in Hell as Cas couldn't get down there.

But if he surfaced, he'd have both Winchesters,  and one very pissed off angel after him.

That was another thing Dean didn't understand.

How had he not seen that his best friend was in love with his sister?

He didn't have time to continue that thought as the unmistakable sound of Sam yelling his name from the front of the bunker, his tone suggesting that Dean should come fast, and armed.

Dean jumped out of bed and ran through the bunker, his gun drawn, ready for anything.

Except that...

Standing in the library was his two siblings and an angel.

Sam had a machete in his hands as he faced what looked like his sister.

Dean froze, but then brought his gun up to point at you.

You couldn't believe them.

"GUYS! its me! I thought you'd be happy to see me!" You snapped, rolling your eyes, not even a little worried that they would shoot you.

Dean glowered at you.

"Yeah, how do we know its really you?"

You narrowed your eyes at him.

"Because if you don't get that gun out of my face, I'm going to kick your ass that bad, it couldn't possibly be anyone else!"

Dean looked at Sam and nodded.

Suddenly Sammy threw something at you and you got a load of water in the face.

You sighed and glared up at your brother, who still hadn't lowered the machete.

"Sammy..." You threatened,  but then turned to Dean who was staring at you with wide eyes.

"Use the link, Dean, you know its me," you whispered and your brother moved forward to stand directly in front of you, against Sammys advice, even though there was a hopeful glint to his eye, letting you know that he wanted to believe you.

Dean looked deep into your eyes and immediately he knew that it was you.

He pulled you towards him and held onto you, letting Sammy know it was you, so he added to the hug, and Cas just stood to the side, watching you all.

After a moment, you patted your brothers backs awkwardly until you were released and then looked at your brothers, who both beamed at you.

Dean held you at arms length and looked you over.

"Its good to see you alive, y/n..."

Sammy nodded but then looked between you and Dean, not wanting either of you to take it the wrong way as he asked you a question.

"How are you alive?" He asked and the smile disappeared from your face.

Luckily Cas decided to help you out and he stepped forward and explained to your brothers what he'd told you.

Your brothers listened in horror as they heard how you'd woke up alone, burried alive.

Sam frowned at Cas.

"How did you know she was there? Did you know that she was going to come back?" He asked suspicion evident in his voice.

Dean looked to Cas for an answer and Cas just took a small step towards you, almost in a protective move, as he answered.

"She called for me to save her," he said simply, not mentioning the fact that you had screamed his name in terror, the only name that you could think to scream in your moment of pure panic.

Sammys face relaxed as you nodded your confirmation and he held his hand out to Cas to shake.

Cas took it after a moment and Sammy thanked him for saving you, as did Dean.

You watched them for a moment and then sighed and realised how tired you still were.

"I'm sorry guys, but I need to shower, and then I'm gonna sleep... I'll catch up tomorrow. I'm so goddamn tired," you apologised, but they all waved you off and you gave them all a smile before you walked away, going into your bedroom and closing the door.

Your bedroom felt cold, the cold that only came from a lack of human contact.

Everything was pretty much where you left it, but still you felt off.

Maybe it was because you had spent the last ten years living in a small, cold cell, with only shackles for furniture.

Shaking your head,  you just started pulling your clothes off as you headed towards the bathroom, just wanting to shower and wash away the days events.

Well, except for a few choice moments with your angel.

Under the water, you scrubbed every inch of your body, making sure that every trace of evidence from your burial was gone.

You sat down in the shower, just enjoying the feeling of being warm and clean for a while before you got out and into a pair of shorts and a tank top.

You smelled something cooking and suddenly you remembered how hungry you were. You hadn't eaten in a month, and you'd thrown up hours before.

You practically crawled into the library,  following your nose and spotting your brothers, but not your angel.

Sam put a plate of food down at the table and Dean added a beer and cutlery.

You stared at them and Dean grinned and pointed at the food on the table.

It was your favorite meal.

Pancakes, bacon and maple syrup were covering the plate and you practically drooled as you looked at it.

"Sit. Eat. Enjoy," he instructed, and you took a step towards the table, but then stopped and looked at Dean.

"Has Cas gone?" You asked, but before he could answer, Cas appeared next to you, his hand trailing down your arm until his fingers could entwine with your own.

If your brothers noticed, they didn't say anything,  for which you were grateful.

Its not that you were ashamed of whatever was going on between you and Cas, it was just that you wanted to be more sure of your footing before your brothers started their interrogation.

Sam and Dean walked away, leaving you and Cas alone for a moment in the library. They knew that you would want to deal with things in private for as long as you needed, and so they were willing to give you space.

Castiel hadn't left the bunker, he'd been researching on a way that he could protect you from demons, other than the anti possession tattoo, but there was no ways that you'd agree to.

So he would just have to stay by your side until he believed you were safe.

As you looked up and your bright green eyes met his blue ones, he smiled a little and leaned in to gently press his lips to yours, momentarilly distracting him from all his worries.

His lips were soft as they brushed over yours, forming silent I-love-yous as you smiled.

He pulled away from you and nodded towards the food on the table.

"You should eat. I believe it will make you feel better," he muttered, guiding you like an anxious parent.

If you hadn't been so hungry, you might have been pissed off, but strangely you just found it amusing.

Sam and Dean returned,  watching you carefully as you ate every bite, and then a second helping.

After that, you drank your beer, aware of all three pairs of eyes on you.

You looked up at them.

"What?" You finally demanded, starting to feel like a rat in an experiment.

Sam and Dean shared a look, but Castiel just stared at you.

You glowered back so Sam jumped in, partly to save his friend from his sisters temper,  and also to get answers from you.

"How are you feeling, y/n?" He asked, leaning on the table to look at you.

You frowned and looked between the three men.

"I'm fine... Why?" You asked.

Dean sat down opposite you and you watched as he stretched and then met your eyes, deadly serious.

"So... I've been to Hell. I know what its like, so I just want you to know... if you need to talk..."

You stood up, moving away from the table.

"Right okay. Got it. Talk to you if I need. Okay. I'm gonna go to bed now," you rambled as you turned on your heel and marched away, going to hide in your room.

It's not that you didn't trust your brothers. You just weren't exactly a person huge into feelings. You and your brother were exactly alike when it came to emotions. You both pushed them down, ignoring them until you exploded and lost it all at once.

Inside your room, you crawled into bed and attempted to go to sleep, staring at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling.

Slowly you drifted off, leaving this world behind you as you went to walk in your dreams.

Sam, Dean and Cas were still in the library,  and Cas had just finished telling them what Y/N had told him about her time in Hell.

The brothers had a hard time digesting what they'd been told, but then they straightened, and Sammy finally spoke.

"Well she's out now. We just need to make sure she feels safe, and keep her away from Crowley for as long as we can. I don't doubt she'll want to rip him apart, but it might affect her mental health if she has to deal with him again so soon."

Dean nodded but Castiel shook his head.

"As soon as Crowley surfaces, I am going to find him and bring him here. He will pay for what he did to Y/N," he promised, his eyes glowing angel blue for a moment before returning to normal.

Again, Dean didn't know how he hadn't seen how crazy the angel was about you.

It seemed obvious now, every time Cas was even in the same room as you he seemed more alert, his eyes constantly trailing after you, making sure that you were okay.

Especially now that he'd rescued you from your grave.

Dean knew that you wouldn't talk to him or Sam, so he had to swallow his pride and approach his friend.

Castiel had been staring at your bedroom door when Dean walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"You need to go in there... She isn't going to open up to me or Sammy yet, but she trusts you. So go in there and make sure she feels safe," he ordered, and without a word,  Castiel stood and walked to the room, only pausing a second before he walked in, not bothering to knock.

Dean watched him go and then sat back down, accepting that he wasn't the one you would be running to in the future. You'd found yourself a replacement shoulder in the form of an angel.

As long as you were safe, Dean was happy.

Sam was thinking the same thing as he watched the angel walk towards his sisters door and go inside.

Sam was having a really hard time dealing with what you'd been through in Hell, and now he was seeing the logic in Cas's plan to capture Crowley.

When they captured the king of Hell, Sam was gonna find a way to kill the bastard.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next few weeks went by slowly, with Sammy pretty much living in the library, researching for a way to kill Crowley, while Dean and Cas hunted any leads on him, leaving you alone in the bunker, apparently to help you recover, but you were going out of your mind.

The nightmares were keeping you up at night, and no matter how tight Cas held you, you could still feel them lurking, waiting for you to let your guard down again.

You knew what you needed, but you knew it would cause an arguement if you brought it up with your brothers and Cas.

You knew that Cas reported back to your brothers about the frequncy of your nightmares and you knew that they worried, but they didn't know what could help you.

However, after a life time of nightmares haunting your sleep, you knew what was the only thing that would distract your mind from hell.

"Hunting," You told your brothers when Dean had just relaxed after a hunt.

Strangely, both brothers and the angel were against it.

"No, Y/N. You're still too weak! You haven't recovered y..."

Standing up, you glared at your brothers.

"I'm not weak! I'm stronger now than I ever was before! I know I can do this!" You urged, fighting off the guilt at the looks on your brothers faces.

You knew that they had hoped that you would quit hunting, that your experience in Hell would be enough to put you off the job for good, but if anything, it had the opposite effect.

You'd heard the souls screaming in Hell. You'd been through the same things as they had. The only difference was, you'd gotten out.

You knew you couldn't save all the souls from Hell, but as long as you were still hunting, there would be less demons around to make deals with humans for their souls.

Every little helped, but you were a Winchester, and your family didn't do anything little. So you knew the day that you would stop hunting.

The day the Hell gates were closed. Permanently.

Although your brothers argued with you, they also admired your courage and selflessness. Sam wanted a normal life. He always had, but as long as his siblings were hunting, so would he be.

Dean was different.

He was a hunter, through to the bone, and he would hunt, up until the point when the life left his body, or there was nothing left to hunt. He didn't know anything other than hunting, and he was pretty sure that he didn't want to.

Castiel kept quiet, knowing that his opinion wasn't required as both brothers were going to buckle, no matter what he said, so he might as well keep quiet, even if the very thought of you hunting, and being in danger made his skin crawl.

He knew that you were a hunter, and he'd known when he'd fallen in love with you, so he couldn't stop you from hunting, or he'd be trying to change you, and you wouldn't be the girl he was in love with. So he remained silent.

Dean got to his feet and yelled at you, catching everyones attention.

"Do you want to die again? Do you miss Hell? Why are you so eager to get back there? You're too weak!"

You met his eyes from where you stood across the table and leaned forward, your voice low and dengerous when you answered.

"Dad tried to tell me that. Remember what happened then?.. If you try and stop me, I will leave. You know I will," You threatened, and Dean's stomach dropped.

He was stuck between a rock and a hard place now.

He wanted you to be safe, but if he stopped you from hunting, you'd leave and hunt by yourself, potentially getting hurt, but at least his conscience would be clean.

But then, if he let you hunt, you'd stay and Dean could protect you. But then if you got hurt, it would be his fault.

You were both as stubborn as each other, and as you stared eachother down, Sammy wondered who would give in first.

Dean buckled first, but he didn't even need to say anything, as Sammy saw the look on your face and knew that you'd won.

As you ran off to get your stuff together, the three men watched you go, all sighing as they wondered what the hell they had just agreed to.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You had lucked out.

Your first hunt after your return was a demon, and although you had gone and there was actually two of them, but you'd only managed to exorcise one of them, you were still happy with your achievement. It felt good to be out of the bunker, using all your newly stengthened muscles and fighting in a way that you never could unless it was for your life.

On the drive back to the bunker, you got shotgun before Sammy could, and you grinned as he had to climb into the back with Cas.

Dean could stop laughing.

They'd all allowed you to fight the demon by yourself, but they were there to step in if you needed it.

But you hadn't, and your brothers and angel had seen you fighting, and clearly you'd been training, as you'd gotten loads better, and you were pulling off moves they had never seen before.

Dean had to ask.

"Hot the hell did you learn all those new moves? It was awesome!"

Your grin flickered for a moment before you shrugged and answered anyway.

"When they used to throw me in with the hell hounds. I had to adapt to fight them, and it made it slightly easier with the demons too..." You trailed off as Dean's face darkened.

You held your breath for a few seconds before letting it out and reaching over to touch Dean's shoulder.

"It's alright you know? There's no point in pretending it didn't happen, when really it did. I went to Hell. Okay? We all know it, and I'm over it, so you should be too."

Dean nodded, not happy, but agreeing all the same.

You sat back and closed your eyes.

"I am not going back there. Don't worry about it."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The king of Hell had been just about to cut himself a slice of person when the bloodied demon came running into the room and fell at his feet.

Crowley put the knife down and looked at the man chained to the bed.

"I'm terribly sorry about this. Don't worry though, I wont forget our appointment," he promised, waving his hand and sending the man away, back to his cell. Todays torture finished with.

Crowley grabbed the hair of the demon on the floor and pulled him up, his patience almost at zero with the demons he had to deal with in a day.

"You had better have a good reason for interrupting," he growled, and the demon nodded and grimaced as Crowley squeezed his hand tighter around the demons hair.

"I'll be the judge of that. Why are you here?" He demanded, releasing the demon so he'd talk.

The dark haired demon bowed and nodded before starting with his story.

"The Winchester girl! The one who escaped. I saw her today! She's hunting with her brothers! She's not dead!" He explained hurriedly, and Crowley immediately grabbed hold of the other demons shoulders and squeezed tightly enough that the bones groaned.

"You'd better be sure!" He growled, but the demon seemed sure and nodded his head.

"It was her! I know it!" He urged, not even doubting it for a moment.

Crowley grinned widely and let the demon go, looking over into the corner of the room, where his hellhound slept, waiting the command from Crowley.

Crowley half regretted killing the two other demons then, as they'd have come in handy to retrieve you.

But Crowley had a better idea.

The demon saw the look on Crowleys face and his relief made him bold.

"What do you intend to do, sir?" He asked, and Crowley turned back to look at him, a smirk on his face.

"I'm going to drag her back down here, myself," He promised with a dark smile.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You were an hour away from the bunker when the impala started shaking and making odd noises.

At first you just thought it was something to do with the road, but then you caught the look on your brothers face and frowned.

"Please baby, no," he begged, refusing to allow himself to believe that his Baby was breaking down, even as he had to pull over to a stop.

Sam rolled his eyes, but you frowned again.

There was no way that it could be breaking down.

You'd personally checked it before you left, which meant that it either broke on the road, or...

"GUYS, GET OUT OF THE CAR!" You yelled, and it must have been the commanding tone in your voice, as both of your brothers jumped out as fast as they could, and Castiel was pulling you out, almost before you opened the door.

You ran to the boot and quickly explained what was going on.

"Crowley is coming."

Those three words had an immediate effect on all three of them, and Dean moved you aside so that he could get into the weapons faster, and arm his siblings.

Cas had his angel blade in his hand ready, and soon enough, you all stood back to back, looking around the area for any signs of demons.

You heard a low growl and had just enough time to pray that it was all in your head before Dean let off a shot, and then you heard the hell hound yelp.

You got ready for any others, but next came Crowley, walking from the trees at the side of the road, his hands swinging loosely at his sides as he walked towards you all.

As soon as you saw him, your hand tightened on your shot gun, and you itched to shoot him, but you knew rock salt wouldn't bother him, so you held off.

Sam and Dean clearly didn't care as they stepped forward and started shooting.

Crowley kept walking and you decided to join your brothers, but when the king of hell turned his gaze to you, you were transported back into the setting of your nightmares. 

Castiel saw you fall from the corner of his eye, but he knew he could help you afterwards. His priority was to get Crowley and kill him.

Sam and Dean stopped shooting as Castiel drew back his blade and went to stab Crowley, but finally Crowley did something,  and he grabbed Castiels arm to stop the blade.

Cas reacted quickly, and dropped the blade into his other hand, swiping at Crowley,  but Crowley moved enough back that it just cut his chest, not killing him. 

A low growl stopped Cas from making the killing strike, but then he turned as you called out to him.

"Cas..."

Castiel turned around and saw the hound that crouched over you, snarling as it waited for a command from Crowley. 

Sam and Dean couldn't see the hound, but they saw the fear on your face, and so put their guns down.

You had rubys knife in the waistband of your jeans, but you didn't doubt that if you reached for it, the hell hound would pounce.

"Kill him, Cas! Do it! Don't worry about me! Just kill him!" You yelled through a shakey voice.

You were terrified of the beast in front of you, and you didn't want to feel its claws again, but Crowley was the bigger threat.

"Ah. I wouldn't kill me if I was you... Not unless you want the little princess to be fluffys new chew toy," he smirked and as if to drive that point home, the hound growled.

You bit your lip to stop from whining in fear. 

"Do it Cas! Just kill him!" You ordered at the same time as your brothers yelled for him not to.

Castiel didn't know what he should do, but then Crowley sensed an opportunity and acted before the angel could.

Thrusting his hand forward, Crowley grabbed ahold of Castiels heart, and his grace, almost crippling the angel with pain.

"NO!" You screamed,  reaching for the angel, even though he was too far away for you to save him.

Crowley caught your reaction and grinned, having found your weakness.

One of you would die that day.

If Castiel wanted to save you, he would have to sacrifice himself, but if he saved himself, the hell hound would tear you to shreds. 

Crowley was proud of his plan, and just to add to the torment on your face, he squeezed Castiels heart tighter, making the angel spew blood.

You couldn't stand to watch any more of this, but you and your brothers were powerless to help him without dying yourself, which was what Crowley was there for. That much was obvious. 

So you made up your mind.

"CROWLEY!  STOP!" You yelled, and his eyes moved to you.

"Let. Him. Go."

Crowley tilted his head at you.

"And why would I do that?" He inquired, but his eyes told you that he knew why.

You spoke anyway, avoiding your brothers eyes.

"You came for me. Then take me. Just let them all go."

Crowley released Cas and he fell to his knees, panting and too weak to even lift his head properly.

"No! Y/N... Please... No," he panted, but Crowley just kicked him aside and continued towards you.

He grabbed you by your collar and pulled you up until your feet dangled off the floor.

You saw Cas crawl closer to you from behind Crowley and you looked back at Crowley,  hoping he wouldn't notice the angel.

"I've missed you in Hell. So have the hounds. I think they like the taste of Winchester. They liked your brother when they dragged his arse down too."

Dean glowered at the demon and you dared to flick your eyes down to Cas.

He was almost directly behind Crowley now, but he veered off a little and you wondered what he was doing, but then you remembered he could see the hound.

Discreetly you reached for the blade at the small of your back, keeping Crowley distacted from Cas for as long as you could.

"So am I going to get special treatment again. Or are you gonna get your hench monkeys to try and break me?"

Crowley opened his mouth to say something,  but then Cas stabbed the hound and at the sound of its yelp, Crowley turned to it, giving you an opening to attack.

Faster than anyone could follow, you grabbed the knife and then drove it up through Crowleys ribs, aiming for his heart.

The demon stiffened and then released you from his grip as he looked down at the knife in his chest.

You twisted it quickly, and watched as Crowley met your eyes as his turned black.

There was a look of pure confusion on his face, as if the king of hell couldn't believe that he was dying.

He flickered as he collapsed to the ground, twitching as the life left his vessel.

The world seemed to freeze for a moment as you all waited for something... well something other.

You'd taken down the king of hell,  finally. You'd expected something else. Maybe fireworks or something, but it was like nothing had changed.

Cas moaned from the floor,  so you stepped over Crowleys vessle and kneeled down next to the angel, taking his face between your hands.

"Are you okay?" You asked, staring deep into his eyes.

He pulled away and spat blood to the side before nodding and running his fingers gently down the side of your face.

"I will endure... Are you okay?" He asked, but before you could answer, Dean was standing next to you both as Sammy kneeled next to Crowley. 

"Hate to break up the chick flick fest, but we just killed the king of hell!"

You looked up at your twin and smiled, not entirely sure that the past few minutes had even happened, but clearly they had, and you were free.

The bastard from your nightmares was dead, and now you could move on. 

Deciding to not care what your brothers thought, you leaned forward and kissed Castiel, hard enough that your brother took a step back to give you space. 

Castiel kissed you back, holding you close and not caring that you were practically sat on a body.

"Its over, Cas. Its done," you whispered as you pulled apart and he smiled a little and nodded, seemingly distracted. 

You didn't have time to ask though as you were pulled to your feet by Sammy, who hugged you tightly and laughed.

Crowley was dead. One of their biggest enemies. 

You smiled back and then followed them to the car,  climbing in the front seat and just sitting for a moment, allowing your brain a moment to catch up.

The king of Hell was dead. And so easily.

If you hadn't witnessed it with your own eyes, you wouldn't have believed it.

You'd felt the knife drive into his heart, and watched as he fell.

So why did you feel the shadow of doubt in your mind?

Shrugging it off, you looked forward as Dean started the engine and pulled off, heading back towards the bunker.

Dean drove fast, turning the volume of the stereo up and singing along, feeling lighter than he had in a while.

Everyone sang along, even Cas, until Dean finally pulled in at a diner and you all climbed out, feeling that you deserved a drink after what you'd achieved. 

You slid into the booth next to Cas, and his blue eyes never strayed from you once while you ate your ice cream.

Sam and Dean ate normal food, and you all had a beer, even the angel, who screwed up his face in disgust at the taste, making the three Winchesters laugh.

The mood was extremely light hearted and eventually you could even convince Cas to try some ice cream. 

The reaction was better than that of the beer, but he still scrunched his nose up and muttered that it tasted like "molecules".

You were so happy in that moment, with your two brothers laughing and Cas being his usual awkwardly adorable self,  so you didn't even care what your brothers thought. You grabbed Castiel by his trenchcoat and pulled him towards you, molding your lips to his and closing your eyes, kissing his hard enough that Sam and Dean averted their eyes and Sam cleared his throat, making you laugh and pull back from Cas, who looked flushed and bright eyed.

"Get a room!" Dean laughed and threw a screwed up napkin at you.

You laughed and threw a straw back at him before leaning into Cas's side and allowing him to put his arm around you.

All four hunters slowly unwound from the days events, getting used to the idea of not looking for Crowley anymore.

He was gone.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In the throne room of Hell, the king sat on his throne and surveyed the sight before him.

Crowleys dead body had been retrieved and brought down to hell, the demon inside, long dead.

The Winchesters had finally killed him. Or so they thought.

With a scream, red smoke errupted from the man on the thrones mouth, circling around the room before finding its way back to its previous host.

For a moment,  the King lay still, but then he opened his eyes and grinned, climbing to his feet and dusting his jacket off.

His eyes moved to the man who was sitting on his throne, shaking with fear.

He had seen how the red smoke had left the other mans body and then went for his own, and he'd been awake when the other black smoke went into Crowleys body, animating it as his own for the time.

He'd heard the red smokes thoughts. 

Crowley had plotted to fake his own death, allowing the Winchesters guards to drop before he made another move to reclaim the dark haired girls soul again.

"Move," Crowley commanded to the cowering man, who quickly moved away. So fast that he slipped and fell to the cool marble floor, crying out as his hip shattered.

Crowley ignored his criea as he moved back to his throne and sat down, smiling in his victory. 

Sparing a glance down at the injured vessel, Crowley waved a hand at him, signalling his hound to attack.

He couldn't stop grinning as the sound of his hounds growling mingled with the mans screams of terror.


End file.
